Twilight: Journey Into the Abyss (Part Fifteen)

Chapter Ten (continued)

Eye count: Number of times the word “eyes” is used in two pages: 9

While this may not sound like a ton on its own, keep in mind that this random sample could be repeated with pretty much any other two pages in the book and you’d get close to the same number, if not higher.

This woman has a truly unhealthy obsession with the eyes.  

Either that or she only learned how to describe emotions in one corny way and is using the trick over and over and over again.

Boy, I wonder which one it could be?

Every time there is a descriptive passage in this book, almost without fail, Steph will bring up the eyes.  

In just three pages, I’ve seen eyes roll, somehow possess a speculative expression, hold someone else’s eyes, glare, be troubled, be both dark and golden at the same time, look piercing, open wide with surprise, forced to keep looking down at a table, trace a pattern on the aforementioned table (that’s two mentions in the very same sentence!), look like liquid topaz (which is, incidentally, an entirely new color in Edward’s eye lineup, I do believe), be penetrating (very different from piercing, used just a page or so before), take on a knowing look, and have a look come into them (can’t get much more specific than that, can you?).

For the love of Pete, lady, I know eyes are the windows into the soul and everything, but, believe it or not, humans do have other features.  It is, in fact, possible to describe a human emotion without using the eyes.

I know it’s hard.  I know.  I feel for you, I really do.  But sometimes challenging yourself really is the best thing to do.

Or, you know, not.

Your call.

Enjoy the silence: “I could see him getting impatient; frustrated by my silence, he started to scowl.”

I’m seriously beginning to question the integrity of Edward’s intentions here. 

For a guy who supposedly just confessed a couple of paragraphs ago that he feels as strongly toward Bella as she feels toward him (something that I think might be physically impossible, as an aside) he sure still gets irritated at her quickly.  

This guy has absolutely nothing in the way of patience or compassion.  At the slightest hint of hesitance he’s instantly irritated and scowling.

This is someone you’ve confessed to having romantic interest in.  You’re waiting for her to explain her intimate thoughts and insecurities about why she doesn’t feel that her feelings are truly being reciprocated.  Have a little patience, man!

He must have one serious case of road rage.

Truly bewildering: “‘Well, look at me,’ I said... ‘I'm absolutely ordinary... And look at you.’ I waved my hand toward him and all his bewildering perfection.”

Does this bewildering perfection include his unhealthy obsession, cold, dispassionate nature, and clearly abusive tendencies?

Because if it does, then it says a lot about Bella’s taste in men.

Bewilderment continued: “[Edward’s] brow creased angrily for a moment, then smoothed as his eyes took on a knowing look.”

So on top of continuing his clear display of being dangerously quick-to-anger, Edward also shows us with one knowing look of the eyes (whatever that is, exactly) that he’s unfathomably arrogant as well.

Quite a catch, this blood-drinker is.  

He represents pretty much everything that horrible stereotypes say woman are obsessed with but that woman continually deny is true and insist that they really do pay attention to the nice guys and that’s all just a myth.

Way to spill your gender’s secret, Steph.  It’s going to be awfully hard to keep pretending that woman actually like the “nice guy” when a series like Twilight is selling millions upon millions of copies to women everywhere.

Losing control: “...I just really wanted to watch your face," [Edward] chuckled, I would have been angrier if his laughter wasn't so fascinating.”

Oh Lord, get ahold of yourself woman!

Also: really bad grammar.  The copy editor must have taken a day off when this one came across his desk.

Actually, he probably read a couple pages and shot himself.

A healthy fear: [After a long diatribe about why Bella wants to drive during their trip together, which is no longer to Seattle, by the way, but instead to some mysterious place of Edward’s choosing that’s sure to be perfectly harmless and fun.] 

“‘And also, because your driving frightens me.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving.’”

Yes she does, and you damn well better leave her alone about it because it is the one and only rational reaction this poor girl has toward your crazy, obsessive self and if you manage to snuff that out too then there’s just no hope left for her at all.

There’s no hope left for her anyway, is there?

*Sigh*

Note to Bella: "’Won't you want to tell your father that you're spending the day with me?’"

Pssst!  Bella!  He’s trying to figure out whether he can get away with boning you.

Just so you know.

On second thought, he might also be trying to eat you.  I’m not really sure yet.

Pssst again: Edward: "’But if you don't want to be... alone with me, I'd still rather you didn't go to Seattle by yourself.’”

He’s still trying to bone you.  

Continue to Part Sixteen