Twilight: Journey Into the Abyss (Part Fourteen)

Chapter Ten (continued)

We rejoin our giggling schoolgirls as they discuss just how awesome Edward's face is. I know, completely unprecedented.

Chameleon face: "'I mean, do you really like him?' [Jessica] urged.
'Yes,' I said again, blushing.
She'd had enough with the single syllable answers. 'How much do you like him?'
'Too much,' I whispered back. 'More than he likes me. But I don't see how I can help that.' I sighed, one blush blending into the next."

Steph's version of the human anatomy continues to surprise me. Through her I find out that not only can a face produce two completely separate, distinguishable blushes, but also has the ability to blend the two together into one... MegaBlush, if you will.

I didn't even think you could accurately tell when you were blushing, much less control them and put on a little light show in your cheeks for everyone watching.

Very impressive, Bella.

Over-analyzation: "'In English, Mike asked me if you said anything about Monday night,' I told [Jessica].
... 'Tell me exactly what he said, and your exact answer!'
We spent the rest of the walk dissecting sentence structures and most of Spanish on a minute description of Mike's facial expressions."

How sad is it that after all of the needless, plodding conversations I've been dragged through in this book that sounded as if they came straight out of an eleven-year-old's first diary, that this is what I consider an impressive display of brevity in Twilight?

I'm happy when she sees fit to describe the gag-worthy, sleep-inducing material rather than show me every last bit of it.

I hesitate to call it an improvement, but what other word is there that describes something that is less painful, but still decidedly terrible?

Very Zeus-like: "But outside the door to our Spanish class, leaning against the wall — looking more like a Greek god than anyone had a right to — Edward was waiting for me."

I don't really remember seeing "look like a Greek god" in the Bill of Rights, but perhaps I just missed something.

It has been a while since I've looked it over.

An overprotective nature?: "[Edward] led the way into the [lunch] line, still not speaking, though his eyes returned to my face every few seconds, their expression speculative."

Is she still there?

Oh, okay.

Is she still there??

Oh, okay.

Is she still there???

Oh, okay.

OH MY GOD SHE'S NOT THERE ANYMORE! WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?

Oh wait, there she is.

Battle of the emotions, round 27: "It seemed to me that irritation was winning out over amusement as the dominant emotion in his face."

In the right corner, standing next to the earlobe, it's Irritation. He's had a long road here, folks, but he's ready for action now. Look at those bulging muscles, built up over time from the impulsive clenching and flexing and tensing that comes with being terribly annoyed. I certainly know the feeling, folks. This emotion's going to be a tough one to beat.

But if anyone can do it, it's Amusement. Indeed ladies and gentlemen, he may not look like much, but his lean frame and gangly build allow him to be as evasive as Edward answering a question. His constant, annoying half-smirk is enough to drive most of his opponents into madness. It's best not to look directly into his face.

We're just about ready to start this fight ladies and gentlemen. It should be a good one.

But wait! Who do we have here? Coming in unexpectedly from the general area of the nose, it's Utter Boredom! His derisive sneer and massive yawn have bested every other emotion in his division! Has this just turned into a three way fight for Edward's face? I believe it has, and I've never seen anything quite like it.

This is going to be one hell of a fight folks.

Contextualization is key: "'If someone dared you to eat dirt, you could, couldn't you?' [Edward] asked condescendingly.
I wrinkled my nose. 'I did once… on a dare,' I admitted. 'It wasn't so bad.'"

This quote is vastly more amusing out of context, isn't it? Take my word for it. Just bask in the weirdness and don't worry about it what the hell they're actually talking about.

It's not important anyway.

In full agreement: "The mention of Jessica brought a hint of [Edward's] former irritation back to his features."

For once I can say without even the slightest hesitation that I agree with Edward completely.

I don't expect that will happen too often.

From the garbage bin to printed page: "His voice was husky, and he glanced up from under his lashes with troubled eyes."

Oh, eew. Eeeeeeeew.

I'll be damned if this doesn't sound like it was pulled straight out of a Harlequin novel, and in the worst possible way.

Not that the caliber of her writing is typically much above that level anyway....

Taking creepy to a new level: "'... I warned you that you didn't want to know everything I was thinking.'
'You did,' [Edward] agreed, but his voice was still rough. 'You aren't precisely right, though. I do want to know what you're thinking — everything.'"

Boy, you're moving this relationship along rather fast, aren't you?

Edward sounds like the perfect guy to date if you've always wanted to know what it would be like to date Big Brother from Nineteen Eighty-Four.

I mean, wow. There are just so many wonderful adjectives you can throw at that statement. Abusive. Creepy. Controlling. Creepy. Greedy. Creepy. Selfish. Creepy.

Creepy.

I have no words: "'You're doing it again,' I muttered.
[Edward's] eyes opened wide with surprise. 'What?'
'Dazzling me,' I admitted, trying to concentrate as I looked back at him.
'Oh.' He frowned.
'It's not your fault,' I sighed. 'You can't help it.'"

...

...

Oh. My. God.

See, I had been led to believe this whole time that Edward was the creepy one.

I believe I might have been mistaken.

Final thoughts: I’ve heard from outside sources that Edward and Bella’s relationship is sort of an abusive, unhealthy one, and boy is that ever beginning to become startlingly obvious in this chapter.

Both characters are turning into obsessive freak shows. Bella’s fixation with Edward is clearly not normal, for starters. And Edward is showing distinct signs of being a controlling, constantly irritated, angry, abusive partner.

This is not going anywhere good.

Continue to Part Fifteen