Twilight: Journey Into the Abyss (Part Thirteen)

Chapter Ten (continued)

Total freak-out: ”Under the shelter of the cafeteria roof's overhang, Jessica was waiting, her eyes about to bug out of their sockets.”

“You’re, like, walking into school all with Edward and stuff? What the hell, girl? Haven’t you been paying attention? He’s like, a total freak-fest. What’s wrong with you?”

“Are you two up to... you know... stuff?”

“Wait, bad mental picture. Eew. Ewewewewewew. Never mind. Don’t wanna know.”

“Don’t talk to me again. You’re both total weirdos.”

Great potential: “‘Good morning, Jessica,’ Edward said politely. It wasn't really his fault that his voice was so irresistible. Or what his eyes were capable of.”

You have not even yet begun to see what Edward’s eyes are capable of.

I’ve seen it for myself.

Some things you just can’t un-see. Take my word for it.

Get away while you still can. Before the true power of his eyes is unleashed upon us all.

Communication: “[Jessica] gave me a meaningful look, and I suppressed a sigh. What on earth was I going to tell her [referring to Bella + Edward walking into school together]?”

How about, “I think he’s gorgeous, he has golden eyes, and despite the fact that he’s an abusive creep (or quite possibly because of it) I want to screw his brains out for no particularly rational reason.”

Wouldn’t that just about cover it?

Pardon my snickering: “I tried to keep my expression very innocent.”

Hahaha. Haha. Ha. You. Innocent. Hahaha. That’s good.

Oh, you’re serious.

...

Overreaction much?: “[Edward] paused to catch a stray lock of hair that was escaping the twist on my neck and wound it back into place. My heart spluttered hyperactively.”

I think Bella should really see a cardiologist. I don’t think that kind of thing is normal.

Better than the alternatives: “One side of his mouth pulled up into my favorite uneven smile.”

It’s much better than his other three uneven smiles. Those suck. This particular uneven smile is much better.

After the above cheesy smile-a-thon: “I couldn't catch my breath soon enough to respond to that remark. He turned and walked away.”

1. Blech.

2. What a prick. Edward’s trying so hard to be mysterious that it would be really funny if weren’t so terrifically sad that it’s working so well.

I’d take notes, but if Bella’s the type of girl that this act works on, I don’t think I want to have anything to do with this particular technique.

Slang are go: “‘[Jessica] said she had a really good time,’ I assured [Mike].
‘She did?’ he said eagerly.
‘Most definitely.’”

Totally. She was radically amped about the bodacious night you had. She’d love to go back out for some choice grindage at her fave joint. Maybe some ‘za and brew. She said she was sorry for having to motor. Her brother went to a righteously happen'en party, but the burn out hotboxed his van and couldn’t even make it home. Gag me out the door. Total wastoid.

Goth power, activate!: “...the day was still dark with low, oppressing clouds. I smiled up at the sky.”

There really is no hope for this girl to live a normal life, is there?

Well, maybe if she becomes a meteorologist....

Hyperactive: “When I walked into Trig Jessica was sitting in the back row, nearly bouncing off her seat in agitation.”

Must *boing* gossip *boing* with *boing* Bella *boing* or *boing* I’ll *boing* go *boing* crazy *boing* oh *boing* wait *boing* it *boing* might *boing* be *boing* too *boing* late *boing* for *boing* that *boing* damn.

...

*boing*

Where’s the remote?: “‘Tell me everything!’ she [Jessica] commanded before I was in the seat.”

This is the part where I tune out for a page or so.

I foresee much unnecessary reiteration.

Call me crazy.

This is just weird: “‘You should have seen the waitress flirting with him — it was over the top. But he didn't pay any attention to her at all.’ Let him make what he could of that.”

Here, we see Bella essentially having a conversation with Edward through Jessica. We are led to believe that Edward is listening in on their talk with his freaky mind powers, and Bella is tailoring her statements accordingly.

She’s talking with Edward through her conversation with another person, rather than just being more forthcoming and honest with him.

This event is disturbing on a number of levels. This plot and this relationship are both screwy.

A tiny slip: “‘I don't know how you're brave enough to be alone with him,’ [Jessica] breathed.

“Oh, I don’t know, I’ve always kind of wanted to be a vampi...”

“Oops. Wasn’t supposed to say that, was I?”

“...”

“Yeah, he’s totally a vampire.”

“Yeah, I know you’re listening, Edward. Yes I told her. What are you going to do, bite me?”

Also: For heaven’s sake, please, please, please stop using stupid verbs instead of “said”. It’s way beyond annoying. You can’t breathe a damn word. You speak it. Jessica “said”. She said it. Saying. Speaking. Not breathing.

Gah.

Speechless: Jessica: “‘[Edward is] so… intimidating. I wouldn't know what to say to him.’”

“Oh, mostly awkward things that don’t really mean anything in particular but hint strongly at a frighteningly animalistic attraction that’s going to cause me to do some truly scary things later in the story. I mean... my life.”

A tad vague: “She made a face...”

This is what Jessica does after saying the line above. She makes a face. Steph doesn’t tell us what kind of face. She doesn’t tell us how she makes it. She doesn’t tell use anything about the face.

Jessica just makes some sort of face.

You know... a face. Like that one you make when expressing things.

Truth or fiction?: “‘Oh well. He is unbelievably gorgeous.’ Jessica shrugged as if this excused any flaws.”

What, you mean this isn’t the way things actually work? Beauty doesn’t conquer all? Women aren’t all vapid, image-obsessed freaks?

I love how Steph decides now would be a good time to pretend this book cares about anything other than looks. Who is she trying to fool here?

Don’t make me count the number of times you’ve described his damn face. Because I will.

No I won’t.

But you know I’m right.

Delving into the deep depths: “‘I can't explain it right… but he's even more unbelievable behind the face.’”

Tonight on VH1: Behind the Face.

We take a look at the deep characterization, the many facets, the countless layers of Edward Cull...

Oooo, look at those eyes. Those are some damn gorgeous eyes. That man’s got a pretty, pretty face.

Oh, umm... check your local listings.

Continue to Part Fourteen